China has finally come around and decided to employ Cheerleaders for the 2008 Olympics!!

“During the Beijing 2008 Olympics, 200 cheerleaders from China are needed to promote the spirit of the Olympic Games. So how do you select 200 powerhouses from so many people in China? The answer is through a competition which finals is in this December. Partcipants from elementary (primary) schools, high (secondary) schools, tertiary institutions, fitness clubs and community organizations across different cities of China… are ready to slug it out for the top cheerleading honour.”

Whoa, they’re doing it all wrong. First off, no elementary schools. That shit only flies in Japan. Second — naw, you know what? How ’bout I just come over there and judge the competition myself? There are few people as qualified as I am when it comes to going through thousands of women and deciding which ones are attractive. I’ve been practicing for this my entire life. Well, since I was 11, anyway.